The Thin Line

I am uncomfortable and cold. My neck hurts. I have to put in quite an effort for a semblance of movement. The muscles ache and there are sudden desires to retch. My lips taste parched and salty. Last night was cold against the cold walls. But I knew I’d see the sun shine. The sun glints on the sharp edge. It is difficult to even adjust the blurring vision.

I was a part of an on going war. I was participating. I was proud. I was at the battlefield. It was gray everywhere. There was sodden ash, dust and injured people, too many of them. There was a sense of urgency in the air.

The glint hurting my eye again…I am conscious of my pale skin and tresses. There are people moving around. My head is hurting and I can feel the blood pouring into my head…I must close my eyes for the glint hurts my stability more than my eye.

I was running with a gun. I was looking for someone. I realized I was looking for my partner. In a flash I realized that I loved him and he was a spy on the run. He was hunted and people were looking for him to eliminate him. I had to find him to warn him that people were close on his trail.

Am I trying to smile..how can I smile..the people would not like it if I smiled now…but the question is am I capable of smiling…I have a desire to look at the glint again..God they are taking an awful lot of time..There is too much time to remember…….

I met him and we were running. We ran through the forest, amidst rows of ghostly looming trees that speared into the pallor of the atmosphere. Then he was not there anymore.

Why are there flashes everywhere? Flashes of memory, flashes of truth, flashes of realization and flashes that often hurt the eye…. There is a suffocating stillness…I am cruelly anticipating the pain..will there be any or will it be a swift blow?.........

He was like a hunted animal. But he was brave. I was working for him. Then there was a medley of other happenings.

It has to be sharp enough..or there would not be the glint…will I see it slowly crawling towards me?...Will I understand…Why am I becoming impatient?...Is there not a single happy memory? I want happy thoughts..Many people, children playing, strange unknown children on the green….The grass..the hay..the barn, the dew, the moonlit night, the white snow, Christmas, the gifts………….

The craft. It looked cold against the unforgiving sky. He was escaping in an aircraft. He was a flying officer. But there was hardly any chance for him. He sneaked into the hangar and took off. The craft was not fit to fly. And his pursuants were glad that either way he was done for. Grief was stifling. But it was understood.

This was my job..this was what I was pledged for….It is what glorified us..I can now understand what is the meaning of time standing still..its like vacuum, ..shall I try to pit one against the other…? My reason for being here and the effect it will have on my being at all?......Its stifling..the thirst, and the heat.. there’s a trickle of sweat that is making its way behind my ear towards the temple..I am strangely conscious.....Just a few moments more..I have been looking at the glint for quite a while now..I need to close my eyes….I need to breathe out….How can I stop this flood of remembrance?...........

It was actually hurting me. I saw myself running on charred grass under a low flying craft. Then there was the open sea and the plane crashed. I felt the explosion ripping me apart….and there was a sudden glint in motion….a blinding flash of light!!

I want to open my eyes…It is a horribly beautiful scene. The sun is setting and the sea looked like a pool of melted blood-gold. The tail of the craft is jutting out like a reminder of someone’s futile attempts.