Most of the checkboxes, (after her mediocre life was thing of the past) was ticked and the grand plans too. (oh yes..always formed within the close circuit, not even the slightest wind, the slightest movement through the translucent gossamer had any right to expose the clandestine ruffles of silk.)
_Where am I?_
She wondered as she staggered to the verandah overlooking a city tired and in slumber. The crystals were plentiful, the fine wine in opulence.The people who served, if she happened to fall, were ready within arms' length, ready to help her back on her two strong feet. But did they know her legs shook?
And so I stood looking down at city still with a palpable heart. There is some movement and I turn back. The prince and princess are here with me today for their father was always on the sea, and upon his return oft called to celebrate amidst others or attend pressing family matters before he embarked again promising all the love that he shall bring from Zeus and Athena of the underworld.
But I am mortal, though being a part of the upper echelons now I have my share of gold, but I hardly use them. They hoard the grains and I hoard the jewellery. Does it make us equally guilty?
I hold the muslin curtain aside....and there they sleep. Little Gods and Goddesses...their maids- in-attending who I hope will not turn against them . But it is just hope.
My daughter opens her sleepy eye and stretches out her hand and I dismiss the ones in attendance. I was the mother after all. They could look after security elsewhere. I held her little hand as she snuggled into my breast..and then quietude prevailed. With one jerk she looked at me with a pristine smile...that made me feel more powerful.
No one had raised an eyebrow as I had ventured into the apothecary earlier in the day. I smiled. I am powerful but I care not for it. One of my attendants had kept the decanter and the wine ready.. how thoughtful! I sat beside my children and opened that little brown box. Silence reigned...occasionally being punctuated by the moaning of the sea. I took some of it and a swig. I touched my son's head. He was in deep sleep, his hair silky....had he washed his locks for this momentous occasion?
I shuddered: no.
It was his natural beauty. I bent down and kissed his head.
I nudged myself up on the bed to be able to see two things I could still completely trust on- _the sea and the children._
The decanter which was well filled, now stood nearly empty. Yet it was difficult to hold it up. Was it the high quality glass or was it my failing hands?
She ,who lives in the shadows, came and poured me my last drink and I took the last of it.Ahh...The benevolent doctor's wife lies while her husband is performing good to someone near or far.
"Put me near my daughter, please." I manage to mumble politely and then I grab her head dress..."but before day break..." My eyed implore.
"Of course". She says
"I would never scar the children." I caressed my daughter desperately looking for another cosmic smile. But they were never there. The children slept and I slumped between them in all my grandeur, a fleeting thought of how beautiful I still looked passing my mind before I passed out.
Sure enough the children must have missed their mother, dearly, but this type of a family is well versed in helping them propel ahead in life.
I wanted my ashes in an earthen urn to grow a laurel tree out of it, but when you are pretty occupied you hardly hear the ranting of your wife...and requests also fall on deaf ears (inadvertently of course). And so some of me flew around nestled in leaved waiting for that one touch of those little fingers. Often I wonder about the doctor who married me out of love...but then again the HOUSES are such that more pressing commitments will be brought forth and slowly I will dwindle from his memory again and again.
My thoughts are already blurry now, I can see the last portion in my goblet, the box from the apothecary that lay empty.
I slumped between my pillars of strength often cursing for being a failure where I should have excelled...and yet..and yet...they trust me so childishly.
Next morning must be commotion, confusion, the salty sea air, overcast sky. The white flowers blending with my gown. I hope I will still look beautiful. Many said I was. But none were close. So what?? This is no time... soon I will transition into an angel....no worries and no fears...just a few years looking out for my angels. Will you look for me in the clouds too?
